It's so easy to worry about the small details; but really, you've got to always focus on the bigger picture. "Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies." - Woody Allen (1935 - )
I haven't been writing/rapping as much as I use to haha which isn't a bad thing but it isn't a good thing either. I guess I have just been finding other ways to vent my stress (such as this blog) but still I think I need to spend a few hours in the studio tmrw.
I can't lose my spark, right?? ;-)
I woke up pretty early today and went to Dave & Busters with a couple of friends. Now, if you don't know what Dave & Busters is.... well goddamn! It's like a Chuck-E-Cheeze for adults haha so we went and got some food and played some arcade games haha felt like a little kid for a couple hours it was nice...
You know what they say: "Nothing’s better than the wind to your back, the sun in front of you, and your friends beside you." - Aaron Douglas Trimble
Came home, chilled around the house with my parents and watched the Red Wings whoop some more ass!!! hahaha HAS ANYBODY ELSE NOTICED THAT WE'VE FOUGHT ALL BIRDS???? The Mighty Ducks... the Black Hawks... and now, the Penguins!! hahaha
It doesn't matter WHO we're faced up with.. the Red Wings win with such pose and professionalism! An entire team of talented, considerate team-mates.. who all LOVE the game of hockey!!! It takes POWER to win with grace like that. A real passion for the game. To be a good sportsman... and; to hold the other team in the palm of your hand, and softly snuff them out with a smile?? That's POWER. "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
Sunday, May 31
Saturday, May 30
Finally in the finals..
I woke up today and got suited and booted. I was determined to get as many jobs as I could. Don't get me wrong I like my new gigs but I want more!
One of my friends has rented a 2009 G6 for the weekend so he swooped my and my cousin up and we went job hunting! I turned in about 10 applications hahaha and then we went over to my uncle's house to catch up with him for a minute.
After that, ended up just watching this Red Wings game at my crib.... GO WINGS!! It's so awesome to watch the home team win hahaha the Wings are such a dynasty! It's inspiring!! What a great display of team work, and self-discipline. "We improve ourselves by victories over ourself. There must be contests, and you must win." - Edward Gibbon (1737 - 1794)
Every single day, we wake up in a warzone. Each morning brings a new battle, of the mind and body. "Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win." - Sun-tzu (~400 BC) we must be READY for war. We must take on each and every day HEAD to HEAD! Crawl into the trenches and run towards the front line! We must take on each minute of our life with personal conviction and we must FIGHT our demons!!
But, we must always remember that the fight itself is more memorable than the dance in the winner's circle. "The moment of victory is much too short to live for." - Martina Navratilova (1956 - ) we must embrace the STRUGGLE we face, and love the pain it brings us.
One of my friends has rented a 2009 G6 for the weekend so he swooped my and my cousin up and we went job hunting! I turned in about 10 applications hahaha and then we went over to my uncle's house to catch up with him for a minute.
After that, ended up just watching this Red Wings game at my crib.... GO WINGS!! It's so awesome to watch the home team win hahaha the Wings are such a dynasty! It's inspiring!! What a great display of team work, and self-discipline. "We improve ourselves by victories over ourself. There must be contests, and you must win." - Edward Gibbon (1737 - 1794)
Every single day, we wake up in a warzone. Each morning brings a new battle, of the mind and body. "Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win." - Sun-tzu (~400 BC) we must be READY for war. We must take on each and every day HEAD to HEAD! Crawl into the trenches and run towards the front line! We must take on each minute of our life with personal conviction and we must FIGHT our demons!!
But, we must always remember that the fight itself is more memorable than the dance in the winner's circle. "The moment of victory is much too short to live for." - Martina Navratilova (1956 - ) we must embrace the STRUGGLE we face, and love the pain it brings us.
Friday, May 29
Who could have guessed??
Sometimes, we all have a way of letting ourselves down. It can be small things.... little things that may ruin your day. Or it can be large, devastating things.
Me? I'm guilty of both. I've done some things in the past that I'm ashamed of. And I also do some stupid stuff on a day-to-day basis too ha. But we can't focus on how we let ourselves down.. instead we need to focus on how we can build ourselves up.
"True happiness arises (in the first place) from the enjoyment of one's self." - Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719) you've got find peace in your life or you will never find yourself peaceful. It's so easy to get distracted by the mistakes you've made. But by doing that, you're only re-making those mistakes. You're giving them the power to control your entire life!! NO I'm not saying blow everything off but once you've examined something you've got to move on. You've got to get over it. If you don't... it'll eat you alive!
With each and every day... we are faced with a new challenge. Some, easier than others. But if we never see these challenges through, we will be hunted by them every time we wake up.
Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy. My biggest critic. And I've realized that MY mistakes can affect a lot of other people in the process. It's fkd up but life is a learning experience and THAT'S IT if you don't learn anything along the way then you'll never graduate.
You don't have to be in school, but each year you've still got to graduate your life. Do something bigger and better than the year before.
Sometimes it feels like we failed a year doesn't it haha? And there we are... right back in the same stupid desk we were sitting at allll last year. Some people get stuck in that desk for the rest of their lives!! It's crazy to think about where you will be 10 years from now... and what you'll be doing.
But trust me-
If you DON'T think about those things... then you'll have no choice in the matter. You've got to have a plan. You need a 1 year plan. A 5 year plan. Even a 10 year plan. WHERE do you see yourself, and WHAT do you see yourself doing? Those are the questions you need to answer. Because nobody can answer them for you. People can offer suggestions... or maybe push you in the right direction.
But we stand on our own two feet. We walk in our own shoes, and we sleep in our own sheets.
This isn't utopia, tho. Every day is going to bring a struggle and you've got no other option than to forge on. "We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world." - Helen Keller (1880 - 1968) so with that being said, I must continue forward. That's all any of us can do.
Ain't life crazy? Who could have guessed??
All I can do is follow the advice of William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) who once said: "Love all. Trust few. Do wrong to none." Maybe then, I will find myself on the road to Zion.
Me? I'm guilty of both. I've done some things in the past that I'm ashamed of. And I also do some stupid stuff on a day-to-day basis too ha. But we can't focus on how we let ourselves down.. instead we need to focus on how we can build ourselves up.
"True happiness arises (in the first place) from the enjoyment of one's self." - Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719) you've got find peace in your life or you will never find yourself peaceful. It's so easy to get distracted by the mistakes you've made. But by doing that, you're only re-making those mistakes. You're giving them the power to control your entire life!! NO I'm not saying blow everything off but once you've examined something you've got to move on. You've got to get over it. If you don't... it'll eat you alive!
With each and every day... we are faced with a new challenge. Some, easier than others. But if we never see these challenges through, we will be hunted by them every time we wake up.
Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy. My biggest critic. And I've realized that MY mistakes can affect a lot of other people in the process. It's fkd up but life is a learning experience and THAT'S IT if you don't learn anything along the way then you'll never graduate.
You don't have to be in school, but each year you've still got to graduate your life. Do something bigger and better than the year before.
Sometimes it feels like we failed a year doesn't it haha? And there we are... right back in the same stupid desk we were sitting at allll last year. Some people get stuck in that desk for the rest of their lives!! It's crazy to think about where you will be 10 years from now... and what you'll be doing.
But trust me-
If you DON'T think about those things... then you'll have no choice in the matter. You've got to have a plan. You need a 1 year plan. A 5 year plan. Even a 10 year plan. WHERE do you see yourself, and WHAT do you see yourself doing? Those are the questions you need to answer. Because nobody can answer them for you. People can offer suggestions... or maybe push you in the right direction.
But we stand on our own two feet. We walk in our own shoes, and we sleep in our own sheets.
This isn't utopia, tho. Every day is going to bring a struggle and you've got no other option than to forge on. "We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world." - Helen Keller (1880 - 1968) so with that being said, I must continue forward. That's all any of us can do.
Ain't life crazy? Who could have guessed??
All I can do is follow the advice of William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) who once said: "Love all. Trust few. Do wrong to none." Maybe then, I will find myself on the road to Zion.
Thursday, May 28
I still ain't forgave myself.
Everything is relative, isn't it? The same shit could happen to two different people, and I guarantee they'd take it differently. That's what makes us who we are. It's not really about WHAT's happened to us, but HOW we handle those things. While one person is complaining about something that's going on in their life, another person may embrace the exact same situation in a different way.
Or even the same person may react two different ways to the same situation, based on how their day is going on that particular day. Maybe you're having a great day, and things are just rolling off you. Nothing can touch you! But the next day, the same shit will make you furious. Discourage you. BUT it's the same situation. And, you're the same person. Think about it. What gives?! Is our mentality really that important??
I guess it depends. Do you see your glass as half full or half empty?
For me it changes haha I can be up and down like a roller coaster some days. Others, I'm just cruisin' along like a sail boat. That's why I'm really trying to challenge myself to stay positive thru WHATEVER comes my way. Life can pull some switch-ups and throw me a curve ball or two... but I'ma still swing. Because (like I said earlier) I've realized just how important our own mentality is.
"Never despair; but if you do, work on in despair." - Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)
You've got to just be HAPPY. And, CONFIDENT in your happiness. 24/7, 365 days a year.. there's going to be somebody that tries to bring you down with them. They try their hardest to make you feel as crappy as they do haha! But we've all got baggage of our own to carry. You can't let people just throw their garbage at you.
Just smile at 'em, and tell 'em to fk off hahaha
At the same time... I'm actually TRYING to be a nicer guy. Just, in general. There's enough assholes out here in this World. Honestly its so much easier to be a dickhead haha and I'm pretty good at it sometimes too haha
But that's the point. I want to discipline myself. I need to. Like I've said before; you can pick the sport, but you can't change the rules. And you can't shake hands if your fist is clinched. I wanna learn how to love everything and everybody. Even those who hate back. If you consume your whole heart with love, you won't even FEEL the hate!
"You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth." - Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
There will always be haters hah but you don't have to notice them. You can just smile, and walk right past 'em. You don't have to get so aggravated! You've just got to know that you're better than that!! You're better than hate. It's such a weak emotion. People give so much power to the word "hate" but to me HATE is one of the easiest things you can do. To HATE something just means that you haven't looked hard enough to find it's beauty. It's you, letting your emotions get the best of you.
Really; that's all love is too, tho. You can never be both, in love and logical at the same time. The love will ALWAYS win over reason haha that's what LOVE is. Giving somebody the power to hurt you the most......... and hoping they don't. It's you, letting your emotions get the best of you.
The only way it EVER works out, is if the other person loves you as much as you love them. That way, you look out FOR EACH OTHER. Because (to me) when you're really IN LOVE, you put that other person above yourself. And if they return the favor... then you'll both be protected.
If not, you're liable to have your heart ripped out.
But hell it's LIVE and LEARN right?? It's a great feeling, being in Love. It's also completely dangerous haha but ANYTHING WORTH HAVING is going to be a risk.
That reminds me of another great quote I read today.. "I believe in an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out." - Arthur Hays Sulzberger
Despite the shitty weather, I've had a good day today (if it wasn't obvious already) and I even picked up an extra shift at work. I can't wait for this paycheck haha I've had AT LEAST 2-3 extra hours each day this week!! Still no officially word on the second job yet, but I'ma call and bug them tmrw ;-)
TGIF, too. DAMN the weekend came up fast, didn't it?! Memorial Day just made this whole week FLY BY; and here we are, almost 2 weeks deep on my blog, now. It's been a crazy couple of days, too. But shiiiiit, when you boil it all down.. that's what life is, right? Just a crazy couple of days, all added up.
So far, sobriety has been nice to me. I've been good; but I won't lie, I still struggle with my vices BUT WHO DOESN'T HAVE VICES?? I go to work and watch the old times suck down cup after cup of sugary coffee. I see all these fat fucks shoving their faces with cola and candy and greasy food. Sex addicts. Gambling addicts. Kleptomaniacs. Me? In the past, I've enjoyed my share of marijuana and cigarettes and cold beer haha! Maybe even your share too hahah but its time to grow out of that phase in my life. It's been fun (trust me) but it's time to move on. "It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." - Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) a great quote, which (to me) just means HOW you deal with your vices determines what kind of person you are. Sometimes, your weaknesses can make you stronger.
Or even the same person may react two different ways to the same situation, based on how their day is going on that particular day. Maybe you're having a great day, and things are just rolling off you. Nothing can touch you! But the next day, the same shit will make you furious. Discourage you. BUT it's the same situation. And, you're the same person. Think about it. What gives?! Is our mentality really that important??
I guess it depends. Do you see your glass as half full or half empty?
For me it changes haha I can be up and down like a roller coaster some days. Others, I'm just cruisin' along like a sail boat. That's why I'm really trying to challenge myself to stay positive thru WHATEVER comes my way. Life can pull some switch-ups and throw me a curve ball or two... but I'ma still swing. Because (like I said earlier) I've realized just how important our own mentality is.
"Never despair; but if you do, work on in despair." - Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)
You've got to just be HAPPY. And, CONFIDENT in your happiness. 24/7, 365 days a year.. there's going to be somebody that tries to bring you down with them. They try their hardest to make you feel as crappy as they do haha! But we've all got baggage of our own to carry. You can't let people just throw their garbage at you.
Just smile at 'em, and tell 'em to fk off hahaha
At the same time... I'm actually TRYING to be a nicer guy. Just, in general. There's enough assholes out here in this World. Honestly its so much easier to be a dickhead haha and I'm pretty good at it sometimes too haha
But that's the point. I want to discipline myself. I need to. Like I've said before; you can pick the sport, but you can't change the rules. And you can't shake hands if your fist is clinched. I wanna learn how to love everything and everybody. Even those who hate back. If you consume your whole heart with love, you won't even FEEL the hate!
"You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth." - Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
There will always be haters hah but you don't have to notice them. You can just smile, and walk right past 'em. You don't have to get so aggravated! You've just got to know that you're better than that!! You're better than hate. It's such a weak emotion. People give so much power to the word "hate" but to me HATE is one of the easiest things you can do. To HATE something just means that you haven't looked hard enough to find it's beauty. It's you, letting your emotions get the best of you.
Really; that's all love is too, tho. You can never be both, in love and logical at the same time. The love will ALWAYS win over reason haha that's what LOVE is. Giving somebody the power to hurt you the most......... and hoping they don't. It's you, letting your emotions get the best of you.
The only way it EVER works out, is if the other person loves you as much as you love them. That way, you look out FOR EACH OTHER. Because (to me) when you're really IN LOVE, you put that other person above yourself. And if they return the favor... then you'll both be protected.
If not, you're liable to have your heart ripped out.
But hell it's LIVE and LEARN right?? It's a great feeling, being in Love. It's also completely dangerous haha but ANYTHING WORTH HAVING is going to be a risk.
That reminds me of another great quote I read today.. "I believe in an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out." - Arthur Hays Sulzberger
Despite the shitty weather, I've had a good day today (if it wasn't obvious already) and I even picked up an extra shift at work. I can't wait for this paycheck haha I've had AT LEAST 2-3 extra hours each day this week!! Still no officially word on the second job yet, but I'ma call and bug them tmrw ;-)
TGIF, too. DAMN the weekend came up fast, didn't it?! Memorial Day just made this whole week FLY BY; and here we are, almost 2 weeks deep on my blog, now. It's been a crazy couple of days, too. But shiiiiit, when you boil it all down.. that's what life is, right? Just a crazy couple of days, all added up.
So far, sobriety has been nice to me. I've been good; but I won't lie, I still struggle with my vices BUT WHO DOESN'T HAVE VICES?? I go to work and watch the old times suck down cup after cup of sugary coffee. I see all these fat fucks shoving their faces with cola and candy and greasy food. Sex addicts. Gambling addicts. Kleptomaniacs. Me? In the past, I've enjoyed my share of marijuana and cigarettes and cold beer haha! Maybe even your share too hahah but its time to grow out of that phase in my life. It's been fun (trust me) but it's time to move on. "It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." - Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) a great quote, which (to me) just means HOW you deal with your vices determines what kind of person you are. Sometimes, your weaknesses can make you stronger.
Wednesday, May 27
Please don't remind me.
It's amazing how insignificant we can feel, isn't it?? I mean... if you REALLY think you're the shit, then just look up at the stars n THEN try'n tell me something!! On this giant green marble planet WE ARE ANTS crawling around and performing our jobs. That's it. Wake up, work, eat, poop, and go back to sleep. That's all we can do. And, we try the best we can... hoping that the "best we can" is good enough. Sometimes we try and breathe under water but we forget that we're still just swimming in a swamp.
I want to be DONE with the daily bullshit. I mean, I wish I could see past it alllll.... and, just focus on the years ahead. Skip by the days and weeks and months of drama. It might only be a few hours a day, but that shit adds up!!! haha
Regardless, I've enjoyed my day off (to say the least) I went out with my sister and my brother-in-law and watched the Red Wings game. It was so nice to just kick back, and relax!! AND my sister gave me her old digital camera (which is fkn awesome) so that was cool! I've been working my ass! But, there's nothing wrong with that. I'd rather be busy as hell... working the hours away; then sitting around, doing nothing. I've got to get my life in order. Right now, I've got priorities that are so much larger than me. They're bigger than MY feelings or MY convenience. And I need to embrace every challenge I'm faced with.
I need to empower myself and my self-control. I need to quit being afraid of the collision, and hit the walls HEAD ON; and take the World for what it's worth!! Too many people live their life without knowing what they DESERVE. That's not me. Since the day I was old enough to make a conscious thought... I knew I was going to grow to be something special. I knew I had something to offer the rest of the World.
But now it feels like I'm hitting a brick wall..
This can't be happening.
I feel like I'm standing up with my feet firmly planted on the ground... but, I'm looking up at a mountain. All I see is walls and cliffs in front of me. But, I've got to tighten my laces and CLIMB. I need to ascend. I want to hike so high, that I'm looking down on the past and laughing!
Because right now; I'm sitting in this God damn computer chair, telling myself.......... I'm not here.
I want to be on the summit.
But it's WAY too easy to look up in the sky, and tell yourself THAT'S where you're going to be. It's way too easy to wait for your opportunity. But trust me, you will end up waiting your entire life haha and before you know it you're going on 23 and you ain't got SHIT to show for it hahaha
I'm at a point... where I just wanna be a good guy. I use to wanna be smart and rich and famous but fk that I just wanna be accepted hah. I just wanna be loved.
When I'm not working, I just sit here- day in and day out; spilling my emotions to this stupid fkn computer! haha I wish I had somebody to talk to like this. Somebody to confide to. NOT TO SAY I DON'T!! I have many positive people in my life I DO! But nothing feels as free as a journal.
Right now, I can say wtf ever I want.
And, it feels great.
I just wanna quit waking up if I'ma keep sucking on lemons. I wanna wake up every morning feeling alive and refreshed. Not wondering how shitty my day is going to be! hah I've learned that life is WAY TOO precious and WAY TOO short to stress all the bullshit people are going to throw at you. As always, I'll be honest; I never expected THIS is where I would be.............
but, Here I am.
And, there is nothing wrong with that. I'm ready to take on the World! There are BILLIONS of people on this planet, and a LOT of them are in worse situations than me haha the very least I can do is rejoice! Atleast I've got my health. Atleast I've got my mind, and my sight, and I've (kinda) got my freedom of speech! Atleast I am informed. I mean, I'm not genius but I think I've got enough knowledge to carry me thru this hectic, crazy World. Yes, we all make mistakes. Yes, we're all wrong at times.
But atleast I'm decent enough to admit it!
With that being said... I feel like I've pushed away a lot of people that I care about. Actually, I KNOW I have. I dunno if it's my trust issues or my apathy or just me being a shitty person (plain and simple) I've still hurt a lot of people that care about me. And there's nothing I can do but try my best to make it up to them. I'm starting to see that life is a zero-sum game, and you better be happy with what you get haha or else you'll be miserable!
Errrrybody fks up.
It's only natural.
All I can do is try my hardest to be the best man I can. Maybe being normal and ordinary isn't soo bad after all? Maybe I should just cherish the fact I am who I am. "After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have NO monument, than ask why I have one at all." - Cato the Elder (234 BC - 149 BC)
I want to be DONE with the daily bullshit. I mean, I wish I could see past it alllll.... and, just focus on the years ahead. Skip by the days and weeks and months of drama. It might only be a few hours a day, but that shit adds up!!! haha
Regardless, I've enjoyed my day off (to say the least) I went out with my sister and my brother-in-law and watched the Red Wings game. It was so nice to just kick back, and relax!! AND my sister gave me her old digital camera (which is fkn awesome) so that was cool! I've been working my ass! But, there's nothing wrong with that. I'd rather be busy as hell... working the hours away; then sitting around, doing nothing. I've got to get my life in order. Right now, I've got priorities that are so much larger than me. They're bigger than MY feelings or MY convenience. And I need to embrace every challenge I'm faced with.
I need to empower myself and my self-control. I need to quit being afraid of the collision, and hit the walls HEAD ON; and take the World for what it's worth!! Too many people live their life without knowing what they DESERVE. That's not me. Since the day I was old enough to make a conscious thought... I knew I was going to grow to be something special. I knew I had something to offer the rest of the World.
But now it feels like I'm hitting a brick wall..
This can't be happening.
I feel like I'm standing up with my feet firmly planted on the ground... but, I'm looking up at a mountain. All I see is walls and cliffs in front of me. But, I've got to tighten my laces and CLIMB. I need to ascend. I want to hike so high, that I'm looking down on the past and laughing!
Because right now; I'm sitting in this God damn computer chair, telling myself.......... I'm not here.
I want to be on the summit.
But it's WAY too easy to look up in the sky, and tell yourself THAT'S where you're going to be. It's way too easy to wait for your opportunity. But trust me, you will end up waiting your entire life haha and before you know it you're going on 23 and you ain't got SHIT to show for it hahaha
I'm at a point... where I just wanna be a good guy. I use to wanna be smart and rich and famous but fk that I just wanna be accepted hah. I just wanna be loved.
When I'm not working, I just sit here- day in and day out; spilling my emotions to this stupid fkn computer! haha I wish I had somebody to talk to like this. Somebody to confide to. NOT TO SAY I DON'T!! I have many positive people in my life I DO! But nothing feels as free as a journal.
Right now, I can say wtf ever I want.
And, it feels great.
I just wanna quit waking up if I'ma keep sucking on lemons. I wanna wake up every morning feeling alive and refreshed. Not wondering how shitty my day is going to be! hah I've learned that life is WAY TOO precious and WAY TOO short to stress all the bullshit people are going to throw at you. As always, I'll be honest; I never expected THIS is where I would be.............
but, Here I am.
And, there is nothing wrong with that. I'm ready to take on the World! There are BILLIONS of people on this planet, and a LOT of them are in worse situations than me haha the very least I can do is rejoice! Atleast I've got my health. Atleast I've got my mind, and my sight, and I've (kinda) got my freedom of speech! Atleast I am informed. I mean, I'm not genius but I think I've got enough knowledge to carry me thru this hectic, crazy World. Yes, we all make mistakes. Yes, we're all wrong at times.
But atleast I'm decent enough to admit it!
With that being said... I feel like I've pushed away a lot of people that I care about. Actually, I KNOW I have. I dunno if it's my trust issues or my apathy or just me being a shitty person (plain and simple) I've still hurt a lot of people that care about me. And there's nothing I can do but try my best to make it up to them. I'm starting to see that life is a zero-sum game, and you better be happy with what you get haha or else you'll be miserable!
Errrrybody fks up.
It's only natural.
All I can do is try my hardest to be the best man I can. Maybe being normal and ordinary isn't soo bad after all? Maybe I should just cherish the fact I am who I am. "After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have NO monument, than ask why I have one at all." - Cato the Elder (234 BC - 149 BC)
Tuesday, May 26
I can't see 'em comin' down my eyes
Today (so far) has been kinda rough haha but ey THAT'S LIFE, right?? Besides my ankle still killin' me, work went alright. Seems like the new job is gonna be a keeper. Which is nice! My last job was so terrible I was miserable every time I showed up hahaha! Even tho I took a little pay cut... I'm a LOT closer to home now. And, the people here are real laid back.
AND at least I'm not crawling all over dirty floors, fixin' rusty oily cars anymore!!! hahaha
Yeah... I'd say that things are going pretty good for me. I can't really complain, atleast. Nobody's listening ;-)
I just have a TON of things going on in my personal life... it's nuts! Yesterday started off AWFUL haha but luckily my sister, and my brother-in-law came and saved the day! They took me up to Hines park and we just relaxed in the sun and talked about everything going on. BBQed some grub and threw the frisbee around a little bit (until my legs started hurting) but it was just what I needed! I'm so thankful for the people in my life who have been MORE THAN supportive. Sometimes, it seems like love can come from the most unusual sources.
This blog has been really helpful too. I don't even know (or really even think about) how many people read this thing IF ANY haha but it's sooooo nice to have a place I can put all of my thoughts down. Take a little time each day to clear my head, and organize my feelings. It's really therapeutic for me... and, even inspiring at times. If I didn't have this blog, or the companionship of my loved ones.. I'm sure I'd be going crazy by now haha.
Chances are, I already AM a little crazy, tho-
ha.
It's just so frustrating to feel powerless. Sometimes we try so hard to change, but our situations don't budge. We can push ourselves to the limit.. physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. But! There's always going to be some things we have NO power over. Some things we can never change.
The sooner we realize this... and accept it... the easier life's BS becomes. It's like Bullshit Lite. hahah Yeah, it sucks. And, yeah you're doing your best. But somethings'll never change so fk it haha don't let it ruin your day. Or your life, for that matter. I dunno about you guys... but me? I tend to let things bother me way more than they should ha :-/
I over react. I over analyze. But I also know I do these things, so I've got to try my best to fix it. Bad habits are hard to break. But if I can quit smoking, and stop drinking; then making a few minor character changes shouldn't be too difficult. It's weird, though. It feels like I'm so "old and wise," and like time is running out; but I'm not even 23 yet!!! And I'm pretty sure I DON'T KNOW SHIT haha! I've still got PLENTY of life to live! And if I start planning now, I can still do anything I dream of!!! The same goes for ALL OF US. We can completely turn our lives around.
But don't get it screwed up. We've also still got plenty of time to completely fk our lives up haha
I've learned that all you can ever do is take care of YOU and your loved ones. Forget about the drama, and the arguments. Let your negative thoughts go. Watch them disappear into thin air, like smoke in the wind. Life is what you make it. And now?? I'm done with all the stretch and stress. I'm sick of struggling with myself. My addictions and depression and anxiety and insecurities. And, I'm sick of struggling with others. Their lies and deception and fake personalities.
I want to be a warrior. Not a worrier.
To be successful at that, I need to learn how to chop my problems down into smaller, more manageable sizes. "Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." - Steven Wright (1955 - ) and DAMN ain't that the truth!!! haha Take it from the guy without a license! Even in a PERFECT WORLD there's going to be some adversity in your everyday existence. They say life is like a "bowl of cherries" butchu still gotta look out for the pits, you know?? Every rose has it's thorn!
Find the beauty in your life. Its vibrant, and warm. It surrounds you, trust me. You've just got to have open eyes and an open mind to see it. In a speech, Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882 - 1945) once said: "Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds." So often, I find this to be true!! We (usually) have complete control over how we react to things.. and how they affect us. We cannot stop the World's rotations.. but we can enjoy the ride.
"I always wanted a happy ending... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." - Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989)
AND at least I'm not crawling all over dirty floors, fixin' rusty oily cars anymore!!! hahaha
Yeah... I'd say that things are going pretty good for me. I can't really complain, atleast. Nobody's listening ;-)
I just have a TON of things going on in my personal life... it's nuts! Yesterday started off AWFUL haha but luckily my sister, and my brother-in-law came and saved the day! They took me up to Hines park and we just relaxed in the sun and talked about everything going on. BBQed some grub and threw the frisbee around a little bit (until my legs started hurting) but it was just what I needed! I'm so thankful for the people in my life who have been MORE THAN supportive. Sometimes, it seems like love can come from the most unusual sources.
This blog has been really helpful too. I don't even know (or really even think about) how many people read this thing IF ANY haha but it's sooooo nice to have a place I can put all of my thoughts down. Take a little time each day to clear my head, and organize my feelings. It's really therapeutic for me... and, even inspiring at times. If I didn't have this blog, or the companionship of my loved ones.. I'm sure I'd be going crazy by now haha.
Chances are, I already AM a little crazy, tho-
ha.
It's just so frustrating to feel powerless. Sometimes we try so hard to change, but our situations don't budge. We can push ourselves to the limit.. physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. But! There's always going to be some things we have NO power over. Some things we can never change.
The sooner we realize this... and accept it... the easier life's BS becomes. It's like Bullshit Lite. hahah Yeah, it sucks. And, yeah you're doing your best. But somethings'll never change so fk it haha don't let it ruin your day. Or your life, for that matter. I dunno about you guys... but me? I tend to let things bother me way more than they should ha :-/
I over react. I over analyze. But I also know I do these things, so I've got to try my best to fix it. Bad habits are hard to break. But if I can quit smoking, and stop drinking; then making a few minor character changes shouldn't be too difficult. It's weird, though. It feels like I'm so "old and wise," and like time is running out; but I'm not even 23 yet!!! And I'm pretty sure I DON'T KNOW SHIT haha! I've still got PLENTY of life to live! And if I start planning now, I can still do anything I dream of!!! The same goes for ALL OF US. We can completely turn our lives around.
But don't get it screwed up. We've also still got plenty of time to completely fk our lives up haha
I've learned that all you can ever do is take care of YOU and your loved ones. Forget about the drama, and the arguments. Let your negative thoughts go. Watch them disappear into thin air, like smoke in the wind. Life is what you make it. And now?? I'm done with all the stretch and stress. I'm sick of struggling with myself. My addictions and depression and anxiety and insecurities. And, I'm sick of struggling with others. Their lies and deception and fake personalities.
I want to be a warrior. Not a worrier.
To be successful at that, I need to learn how to chop my problems down into smaller, more manageable sizes. "Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." - Steven Wright (1955 - ) and DAMN ain't that the truth!!! haha Take it from the guy without a license! Even in a PERFECT WORLD there's going to be some adversity in your everyday existence. They say life is like a "bowl of cherries" butchu still gotta look out for the pits, you know?? Every rose has it's thorn!
Find the beauty in your life. Its vibrant, and warm. It surrounds you, trust me. You've just got to have open eyes and an open mind to see it. In a speech, Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882 - 1945) once said: "Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds." So often, I find this to be true!! We (usually) have complete control over how we react to things.. and how they affect us. We cannot stop the World's rotations.. but we can enjoy the ride.
"I always wanted a happy ending... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." - Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989)
Monday, May 25
One of these days, I'll find my way.
I woke up today, and can already feel myself slip in a bad mood haha I've got to just relax, and enjoy this beautiful weather. It's just really weird to think about what I WOULD be doing on a day like this. Maybe have a bunch of people over? Or, go out. BBQ some food. Drink some cold beers, and smoke hella weed alll day haha chain smoke Newports until I can't even breathe ha.. stay up late and flirt with some pretty women?? Something along those lines-
But instead, I'm just chill'n at the crib. Alone, ha. Typing on this damn contraption hahah. I already vacuumed the house, and did the dishes :-/ bout to mow the lawn maybe. Sober as a nun. Solo dolo. No plans. Yay?
I can't let days like this discourage me, tho.
Trust me, I'm tryin' the hardest I can. I wake up, and I take a deep breathe, and SMILE. Regardless of what side of the bed I'm on. But, I've got to do a better job of focusing the positive energy in my life. I've got so many awesome things going on right now... I can't let these 1 or 2 obstacles stop me!!
I just feel alone, I guess. I was already a loner haha but this sobriety has kinda alienated me even more. But, that's okay!! I've just got to learn how to roll with it. I can't rely on anybody else. I've got to be able to pick up my own head and hold it high. I've got to carry myself across the finish line and that's it! That's all that matters right now-
"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." - Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) What a great quote hahaha I love it! To me, this means one thing. If you really want to get something done... you've got to put your whole heart into it. You can't just throw peanuts, and expect to move an elephant! You've got to REALLY work for anything worth having. It's like they say: "..you can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink." I can't change anybody but myself, and I've got to accept that. I can interest you or maybe even inspire you. But, making a REAL change, takes REAL dedication. REAL conviction.
We've got to expect that of ourselves, AND others.
I was talking with a friend, and we both said how we are afraid of never being loved. Surly, the idea of being alone is terrifying for ANYBODY to think about.
But, that got me wondering.. how can we ever feel "unloved" if we truly love ourselves?? Maybe that's the solution!! Maybe once we really fall in love with ourselves, it becomes impossible to feel alone!
I'd like to think I love who I am. But, maybe I don't??
Think of the strength people use to possess. They spent months on rickety old boats, crossing thousands of miles of ocean. Nearly starving to death on the journey (if the disease didn't kill them first)
And, when they arrived here... it was NOTHING but wilderness. These people constructed an entire NATION! Starting with one house in one little village on the coast of this great Continent. And, it spread like a brush fire!! Until there were banks and corporations and massive cities and intricate governments. These people built it ALL FROM SCRATCH.
That's not to dismiss the terrible things those early white settlers did. They committed some despicable crimes against women, children, Indians, and blacks. But, they were STRONG back then. That's my point. And, now look at us ha. We don't even have basic patience anymore! We Google our questions, we spell-check our writings, we twitter from our phones, we microwave our meals, and we use 1-hour photo!!
"ONE-HOUR PHOTO?! You just SAW the fkn thing!!" - George Carlin
But this is the American way. It's how we were raised. It's been encoded in our DNA. These new generations... my generation.. is apathetic, and lazy, and selfish at best. We got it from the baby boomers. And now, we're passing it down to our younger siblings and our children.
It's no longer cool enough to be a little high before school. I remember kids use to come to class DRUNK and we'd be like: "daaaaaaaaamn!" haha but NOW?? I hear about kids going to school ROLLIN' BALLS on some pills, or doin' coke in the bathroom?!
How does that even sound enjoyable??
"Yeah! Let's get all SUPER fkd up, and go to math class!!!"
No thanks.
But that's the way things are. We all feel hopeless. Stuck. Trapped. And the fact that we care, is slowly disappearing. I can't say I blame them, either. There aren't a whole lot of opportunities for these kids right now. No good jobs. No chances of retirement. Corrupt government officials at all levels. Expensive health care, and unaffordable costs of college.
But maybe we did this all to ourselves?
"The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor." - Michael Patrick King, from Sex and the City. Ain't THAT the truth haha. Ever feel like something happens to you FOR A REASON?? Some call it karma, some call it fate; I dunno what it is, but it feels like things happen to spite you sometimes, doesn't it??
Maybe it's life's little way of getting back at you. Or, maybe it's life's way of giving you another chance to better yourself?! Maybe it let's you right your wrongs?? Either way, this life we live is crazy, isn't it? So many questions and NO ANSWERS haha but that's the best part. All we can do is LIVE. That's all. Try'n be the best person you can be... and, take your life one day at a time. You can't just FORGET the things that have happened to you, but you must not live in the past!!! You can't even spend too much time in the future! You must just enjoy NOW. Handle whats in front of you currently. "Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters." - Margaret Peters
But instead, I'm just chill'n at the crib. Alone, ha. Typing on this damn contraption hahah. I already vacuumed the house, and did the dishes :-/ bout to mow the lawn maybe. Sober as a nun. Solo dolo. No plans. Yay?
I can't let days like this discourage me, tho.
Trust me, I'm tryin' the hardest I can. I wake up, and I take a deep breathe, and SMILE. Regardless of what side of the bed I'm on. But, I've got to do a better job of focusing the positive energy in my life. I've got so many awesome things going on right now... I can't let these 1 or 2 obstacles stop me!!
I just feel alone, I guess. I was already a loner haha but this sobriety has kinda alienated me even more. But, that's okay!! I've just got to learn how to roll with it. I can't rely on anybody else. I've got to be able to pick up my own head and hold it high. I've got to carry myself across the finish line and that's it! That's all that matters right now-
"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." - Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) What a great quote hahaha I love it! To me, this means one thing. If you really want to get something done... you've got to put your whole heart into it. You can't just throw peanuts, and expect to move an elephant! You've got to REALLY work for anything worth having. It's like they say: "..you can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink." I can't change anybody but myself, and I've got to accept that. I can interest you or maybe even inspire you. But, making a REAL change, takes REAL dedication. REAL conviction.
We've got to expect that of ourselves, AND others.
I was talking with a friend, and we both said how we are afraid of never being loved. Surly, the idea of being alone is terrifying for ANYBODY to think about.
But, that got me wondering.. how can we ever feel "unloved" if we truly love ourselves?? Maybe that's the solution!! Maybe once we really fall in love with ourselves, it becomes impossible to feel alone!
I'd like to think I love who I am. But, maybe I don't??
Think of the strength people use to possess. They spent months on rickety old boats, crossing thousands of miles of ocean. Nearly starving to death on the journey (if the disease didn't kill them first)
And, when they arrived here... it was NOTHING but wilderness. These people constructed an entire NATION! Starting with one house in one little village on the coast of this great Continent. And, it spread like a brush fire!! Until there were banks and corporations and massive cities and intricate governments. These people built it ALL FROM SCRATCH.
That's not to dismiss the terrible things those early white settlers did. They committed some despicable crimes against women, children, Indians, and blacks. But, they were STRONG back then. That's my point. And, now look at us ha. We don't even have basic patience anymore! We Google our questions, we spell-check our writings, we twitter from our phones, we microwave our meals, and we use 1-hour photo!!
"ONE-HOUR PHOTO?! You just SAW the fkn thing!!" - George Carlin
But this is the American way. It's how we were raised. It's been encoded in our DNA. These new generations... my generation.. is apathetic, and lazy, and selfish at best. We got it from the baby boomers. And now, we're passing it down to our younger siblings and our children.
It's no longer cool enough to be a little high before school. I remember kids use to come to class DRUNK and we'd be like: "daaaaaaaaamn!" haha but NOW?? I hear about kids going to school ROLLIN' BALLS on some pills, or doin' coke in the bathroom?!
How does that even sound enjoyable??
"Yeah! Let's get all SUPER fkd up, and go to math class!!!"
No thanks.
But that's the way things are. We all feel hopeless. Stuck. Trapped. And the fact that we care, is slowly disappearing. I can't say I blame them, either. There aren't a whole lot of opportunities for these kids right now. No good jobs. No chances of retirement. Corrupt government officials at all levels. Expensive health care, and unaffordable costs of college.
But maybe we did this all to ourselves?
"The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor." - Michael Patrick King, from Sex and the City. Ain't THAT the truth haha. Ever feel like something happens to you FOR A REASON?? Some call it karma, some call it fate; I dunno what it is, but it feels like things happen to spite you sometimes, doesn't it??
Maybe it's life's little way of getting back at you. Or, maybe it's life's way of giving you another chance to better yourself?! Maybe it let's you right your wrongs?? Either way, this life we live is crazy, isn't it? So many questions and NO ANSWERS haha but that's the best part. All we can do is LIVE. That's all. Try'n be the best person you can be... and, take your life one day at a time. You can't just FORGET the things that have happened to you, but you must not live in the past!!! You can't even spend too much time in the future! You must just enjoy NOW. Handle whats in front of you currently. "Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters." - Margaret Peters
Sunday, May 24
Let's tell eachother fairy tales.
Geez I'm exhausted ha. Had a pretty good day today despite how sore I was at work! When I got home, I did a few things around the house and took a nap. Woke up and made some dinner... fiddled around on the computer for awhile... and, now I'm bout to watch a movie before bed. Another low key night for me. It doesn't feel like a Sunday, does it??
I can feel my recent optimism slightly slipping I need to grab it back and hold on tighter. Don't get me wrong I feel fine but I wasn't quite "Great" today or yesterday either. I'm not sure what it is.. but, I need to get outta this rut I've been in!!
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Nelson Mandela.
I've always said my biggest fear is failure. Not snakes or spiders or deep water or darkness but FAILURE. I dunno what it is... but the idea of living to be just another average, ordinary man SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME! I want to succeed so badly I want to live my dreams! I know I'm talented enough! I know I've got to keep pursuing my goals.
But I'm haunted by the fact that I may just end up another average, ordinary man.
Not that there is anything wrong with that, I guess. Shhiiiiiit- 98% of us are average and ordinary. We're the people who make the world go around. We work decent jobs. We drive decent cars. We're always trying to reach that NEXT level but it seems like an endless uphill struggle.
The real face of America.
Depressed and bitter ha. The lonily old woman who was prom queen in highschool. The angry old man who was the quarterback of his college football team. The millions of us who spend years to follow our dreams; until the rivers evaporate and the creeks dry up.
We are our own biggest cheerleaders.
And, we are our own worst enemies.
Because; maybe pursuing our dreams is the reward in itself? Maybe I should quit looking for some sort of payoff. Maybe the act of pursuing your dreams is fulfilling enough! I mean... I've had the time of my life! And, I've accomplished quite a bit too. Maybe I can't fail... because atleast I tried! Maybe THAT'S what makes me extrodinary!! "You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be." - Lou Holtz
There is no "encore" with life. You've got one stage. One act. And, an unknown number of days your show will be playing. There is no pause. Or, rewind. And you won't beable to write a sequel. Or, read the reviews after your gone.
All you can do is go L I V E
Embrace each day given to you. Hug the opportunities of even ONE MORE HOUR on this crazy planet. That's all I'm trying to do. I'm trying to learn how to TRUST. And, LOVE. And, FORGIVE. I'm trying to take better care of myself... AND, the people around me. I'm ready to open my eyes wide, and see the real beauty in life. "What you see depends on what you're looking for." - Anonymous
I'm just glad to be a l i v e hah I've done a lot of dumb shit in my days. And yet, here I am. Sore, yes. But ALIVE. And I'm getting old too, I can feel it ha. But I can actually FEEL myself getting wiser. More mature. I know I've still got a ways to go. I've got to change things in my life.. and I am changing them. But things already don't really feel the same way they use to. Nothing does. But that's okay, you know?? I'm trying my hardest to build myself up.. and let go of the bullshit that life throws at us. "Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak...sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go." - Unknown
I can feel my recent optimism slightly slipping I need to grab it back and hold on tighter. Don't get me wrong I feel fine but I wasn't quite "Great" today or yesterday either. I'm not sure what it is.. but, I need to get outta this rut I've been in!!
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Nelson Mandela.
I've always said my biggest fear is failure. Not snakes or spiders or deep water or darkness but FAILURE. I dunno what it is... but the idea of living to be just another average, ordinary man SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME! I want to succeed so badly I want to live my dreams! I know I'm talented enough! I know I've got to keep pursuing my goals.
But I'm haunted by the fact that I may just end up another average, ordinary man.
Not that there is anything wrong with that, I guess. Shhiiiiiit- 98% of us are average and ordinary. We're the people who make the world go around. We work decent jobs. We drive decent cars. We're always trying to reach that NEXT level but it seems like an endless uphill struggle.
The real face of America.
Depressed and bitter ha. The lonily old woman who was prom queen in highschool. The angry old man who was the quarterback of his college football team. The millions of us who spend years to follow our dreams; until the rivers evaporate and the creeks dry up.
We are our own biggest cheerleaders.
And, we are our own worst enemies.
Because; maybe pursuing our dreams is the reward in itself? Maybe I should quit looking for some sort of payoff. Maybe the act of pursuing your dreams is fulfilling enough! I mean... I've had the time of my life! And, I've accomplished quite a bit too. Maybe I can't fail... because atleast I tried! Maybe THAT'S what makes me extrodinary!! "You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be." - Lou Holtz
There is no "encore" with life. You've got one stage. One act. And, an unknown number of days your show will be playing. There is no pause. Or, rewind. And you won't beable to write a sequel. Or, read the reviews after your gone.
All you can do is go L I V E
Embrace each day given to you. Hug the opportunities of even ONE MORE HOUR on this crazy planet. That's all I'm trying to do. I'm trying to learn how to TRUST. And, LOVE. And, FORGIVE. I'm trying to take better care of myself... AND, the people around me. I'm ready to open my eyes wide, and see the real beauty in life. "What you see depends on what you're looking for." - Anonymous
I'm just glad to be a l i v e hah I've done a lot of dumb shit in my days. And yet, here I am. Sore, yes. But ALIVE. And I'm getting old too, I can feel it ha. But I can actually FEEL myself getting wiser. More mature. I know I've still got a ways to go. I've got to change things in my life.. and I am changing them. But things already don't really feel the same way they use to. Nothing does. But that's okay, you know?? I'm trying my hardest to build myself up.. and let go of the bullshit that life throws at us. "Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak...sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go." - Unknown
Saturday, May 23
But the feelings remain.
DAMN it's late and I almost forgot to blog today haha WHADDUP EVERYBODY though! The new job is going really good AND ACTUALLY on my way to work I stopped at a Burger King for some breakfast. While I'm waiting at the counter for my food, I started shooting the shit with the manager on duty. She says she really likes my personality and tells me: if I shave my beard, she'll hire me in for a management position!! Never expected that but HELL YEAH so I'm about to get them my resume and get my ass a 2nd job!!
I'm just gonna chill out and hang around the house tonight... play some video games with the fellas. Been super exhausted haha havn't even gone skating this weekend my legs are KILLIN' me!! My left knee, and my right ankle. Awesome, huh? I'ma just tryn take it easy-
I've been getting a lot of emails about the blog and THATS AWESOME you guys have been reading and enjoying it. Hope it's not just a bunch of rambling haha I'm a scatterbrain sometimes!
Either way, the messages have been encouraging and I appreciate all the feedback and support! It'd be cool if we could ALL learn something from this experience. Maybe trigger a conversation we might not have ever had. Maybe lead you to reflect a little bit more on yourself or your situations. I dunno life is crazy hah never thought I'd have blog fans but THANK YOU everybody! This stupid little screen has become therapy for me. hah
I've really started thinking about this sobriety though and how life changing it can be for me. Nothing BAD comes from being sober hah! I definitely don't have much to lose by trying! I mean it can't hurt, you know? I've spent the better half of 3 years either drunk or stoned (or often both) hah it's been nice to take a seat back and TAKE EVERYTHING IN. I'm the same person I've always been. The drugs and the alcohol didn't "make me" or my identity as much as I thought they did. I'm the same exact guy (go figure hah) except maybe a little less aggravated and I've got more money in my pocket haha. I'm probably a bit more athletic, and maybe even a little better at math HAHAHA! But, essentially.. I'm the same person. Same sence of humor. Same creativity. Same knowledge (maybe even remember it a little bit better now haha) I'm the same guy!
I'm not saying this because anybody has made me feel different.. I'm just thinking out loud..
For being a beer drinkin' pothead it's been pretty easy to chill out and be sober. Almost easier than I thought? Which isn't to say I NEVER think about smoking a cigarette or drinking a beer and smokin' a joint haha but IT'S MANAGEABLE! And that's the honest truth!!
And I'm learning that; if you break ANYTHING down.. it's manageable. If you just take it 24 hours at a time, you can take on everything in front of you. All you've got to do is know what kind of person you WANT TO BE and then consciously spend time each day to become that person! If that means dieting and working out... or quitting bad habits... or reading more... or going to school... or going to work... or saving your money... or practicing a sport or instrument......
Wherever you want to be; that's where you need to walk towards. And, since nobody has invented a time machine you can only live life at the same speed as the rest of us. One second of one minute of one hour at a time.
One day at a time.
"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval." - Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Everybody has things that they are self conscious about but sometimes that's good because it gives us things to improve on! Self consciousness is only harmful when it's something you have no control over. In which case GET THE FK OVER IT because nobody is perfect. Nothing is perfect. Imperfections are what make you YOU
Once you learn to fall in love with yourself, and you embrace your unique qualities and personality... you will be able to shine brilliantly! Like the brightest star in the sky; everybody will see you as soon as you walk into the room! You will illuminate the entire crowd regardless of where you go.
You will glow!
We're all different levels of "socially awkward." Some better than others. For some, it's certain groups. For some, it's simply numbers. For some people, they're only uncomfortable in new situations.
But it's different for everybody.
Some of us adjust very quickly. Some of us don't even need to adjust much at all. And, then some just never adjust ha. It's allllll about how comfortable you are WITH YOUR SELF!!! Walk this world with confidence, and she will treat you like royalty. Be humble. Be honest. Be patient (something I still have to get better at hah) and be fair. Be passionate. Be observant. "Men are born with two eyes, but only one tongue; in order that they should see twice as much as they say." - Charles Caleb Colton (1780 - 1832) Keep your eyes open and follow your heart!! "A great mind is much like a parachute. It only works well when it's open!" Everything in life happens for a reason. How you react determines how enjoyable things are.
I'm just gonna chill out and hang around the house tonight... play some video games with the fellas. Been super exhausted haha havn't even gone skating this weekend my legs are KILLIN' me!! My left knee, and my right ankle. Awesome, huh? I'ma just tryn take it easy-
I've been getting a lot of emails about the blog and THATS AWESOME you guys have been reading and enjoying it. Hope it's not just a bunch of rambling haha I'm a scatterbrain sometimes!
Either way, the messages have been encouraging and I appreciate all the feedback and support! It'd be cool if we could ALL learn something from this experience. Maybe trigger a conversation we might not have ever had. Maybe lead you to reflect a little bit more on yourself or your situations. I dunno life is crazy hah never thought I'd have blog fans but THANK YOU everybody! This stupid little screen has become therapy for me. hah
I've really started thinking about this sobriety though and how life changing it can be for me. Nothing BAD comes from being sober hah! I definitely don't have much to lose by trying! I mean it can't hurt, you know? I've spent the better half of 3 years either drunk or stoned (or often both) hah it's been nice to take a seat back and TAKE EVERYTHING IN. I'm the same person I've always been. The drugs and the alcohol didn't "make me" or my identity as much as I thought they did. I'm the same exact guy (go figure hah) except maybe a little less aggravated and I've got more money in my pocket haha. I'm probably a bit more athletic, and maybe even a little better at math HAHAHA! But, essentially.. I'm the same person. Same sence of humor. Same creativity. Same knowledge (maybe even remember it a little bit better now haha) I'm the same guy!
I'm not saying this because anybody has made me feel different.. I'm just thinking out loud..
For being a beer drinkin' pothead it's been pretty easy to chill out and be sober. Almost easier than I thought? Which isn't to say I NEVER think about smoking a cigarette or drinking a beer and smokin' a joint haha but IT'S MANAGEABLE! And that's the honest truth!!
And I'm learning that; if you break ANYTHING down.. it's manageable. If you just take it 24 hours at a time, you can take on everything in front of you. All you've got to do is know what kind of person you WANT TO BE and then consciously spend time each day to become that person! If that means dieting and working out... or quitting bad habits... or reading more... or going to school... or going to work... or saving your money... or practicing a sport or instrument......
Wherever you want to be; that's where you need to walk towards. And, since nobody has invented a time machine you can only live life at the same speed as the rest of us. One second of one minute of one hour at a time.
One day at a time.
"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval." - Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Everybody has things that they are self conscious about but sometimes that's good because it gives us things to improve on! Self consciousness is only harmful when it's something you have no control over. In which case GET THE FK OVER IT because nobody is perfect. Nothing is perfect. Imperfections are what make you YOU
Once you learn to fall in love with yourself, and you embrace your unique qualities and personality... you will be able to shine brilliantly! Like the brightest star in the sky; everybody will see you as soon as you walk into the room! You will illuminate the entire crowd regardless of where you go.
You will glow!
We're all different levels of "socially awkward." Some better than others. For some, it's certain groups. For some, it's simply numbers. For some people, they're only uncomfortable in new situations.
But it's different for everybody.
Some of us adjust very quickly. Some of us don't even need to adjust much at all. And, then some just never adjust ha. It's allllll about how comfortable you are WITH YOUR SELF!!! Walk this world with confidence, and she will treat you like royalty. Be humble. Be honest. Be patient (something I still have to get better at hah) and be fair. Be passionate. Be observant. "Men are born with two eyes, but only one tongue; in order that they should see twice as much as they say." - Charles Caleb Colton (1780 - 1832) Keep your eyes open and follow your heart!! "A great mind is much like a parachute. It only works well when it's open!" Everything in life happens for a reason. How you react determines how enjoyable things are.
Friday, May 22
Somewhere between great and okay
So, the new job is awesome! And, I was able to score a couple extra hours in, which is good. But, leaving work, and walking home... my knee started KILLING ME!! I was on my feet all day and after the 45min walk there... the 45min walk home was exhausting.
I got home, and didn't have any plans for the night. It was really unusual for a Friday night. I was home. Alone. Sober. And, chilllllin' haha.
I've got to admit tho I don't know what it was but I had an urge to drink. I was angry or upset .. if anything I was happy! And, it felt good to be a PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY again haha but there were beers in the fridge and I drank one for some reason.
NOW LET'S REWIND FOR A SECOND..
The recent sobriety was triggered by two things. Financial situations, and personal obligations. AT NO TIME have I considered myself an alcoholic or drug addict... but, I have a real problem getting drunk and high and getting in trouble with the law. At 22 years old I have two DUIs. But. I was under the legal limit for both of them. But, I was also under the legal age.
Being stupid when you're 20 can catch up to you hah :-/
It's weird, tho. Even after a couple of beers.... in the safety of my own home... I feel SO guilty. ha
I mean... I am of legal age. I am being responsible. And, I hadn't spent a cent! But, I still felt like shit. I mean... I was feeling SO good all week but I couldn't even go 7 days without drinking that's kind of discouraging because as much as I KNOW I CAN.. I didn't.
My quote for today is simple. "A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure. " - Segal's Law.
To me... this means ONE THING. I can't dance with the idea of sobriety. I can either STAY SOBER, or I can relapse. And, that doesn't mean anything bad about what I did tonight because I'm not even drunk.
But, that's besides the point.
Why even drink if I'm not going to get wasted?? And, since I have no intentions on getting wasted... I should have no reason getting drunk. Or tipsy.
You can't live in two worlds. And, you can't live in two time zones haha. I haven't had a cigarette I need to just quit drinking.
I feel stuck, tho.... I mean, I didn't PAY for anything, and I wasn't irresponsible......
BUT STILL!!
"Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself." - Elie Wiesel (1928 - alive) I need to be more powerful than this beast that hunts so many people. I want to be POWERFUL. I want to take control of my own destiny!
It seems like Life is a never ending track that you can run, and run.... but, no-matter-what, there's going to be hurdles. You can try and race thru as fast as you'd like.. but, you're still going to have to jump the obstacles in front of you.
Before I go to bed, I'm going to resource back to an ANCIENT philosopher. Words SO OLD; yet, they still have a modern day presence. "Forget injuries, but never forget kindnesses." - Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)
This goes back to apologizes, and forgiveness.
Cherish the good moments of life; because at times, they are few and far between. But when the sun shines down on you, then embrace it for everything it is. Soak up the rays, and be as brilliant and as blinding as the sun, itself!!
I got home, and didn't have any plans for the night. It was really unusual for a Friday night. I was home. Alone. Sober. And, chilllllin' haha.
I've got to admit tho I don't know what it was but I had an urge to drink. I was angry or upset .. if anything I was happy! And, it felt good to be a PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY again haha but there were beers in the fridge and I drank one for some reason.
NOW LET'S REWIND FOR A SECOND..
The recent sobriety was triggered by two things. Financial situations, and personal obligations. AT NO TIME have I considered myself an alcoholic or drug addict... but, I have a real problem getting drunk and high and getting in trouble with the law. At 22 years old I have two DUIs. But. I was under the legal limit for both of them. But, I was also under the legal age.
Being stupid when you're 20 can catch up to you hah :-/
It's weird, tho. Even after a couple of beers.... in the safety of my own home... I feel SO guilty. ha
I mean... I am of legal age. I am being responsible. And, I hadn't spent a cent! But, I still felt like shit. I mean... I was feeling SO good all week but I couldn't even go 7 days without drinking that's kind of discouraging because as much as I KNOW I CAN.. I didn't.
My quote for today is simple. "A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure. " - Segal's Law.
To me... this means ONE THING. I can't dance with the idea of sobriety. I can either STAY SOBER, or I can relapse. And, that doesn't mean anything bad about what I did tonight because I'm not even drunk.
But, that's besides the point.
Why even drink if I'm not going to get wasted?? And, since I have no intentions on getting wasted... I should have no reason getting drunk. Or tipsy.
You can't live in two worlds. And, you can't live in two time zones haha. I haven't had a cigarette I need to just quit drinking.
I feel stuck, tho.... I mean, I didn't PAY for anything, and I wasn't irresponsible......
BUT STILL!!
"Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself." - Elie Wiesel (1928 - alive) I need to be more powerful than this beast that hunts so many people. I want to be POWERFUL. I want to take control of my own destiny!
It seems like Life is a never ending track that you can run, and run.... but, no-matter-what, there's going to be hurdles. You can try and race thru as fast as you'd like.. but, you're still going to have to jump the obstacles in front of you.
Before I go to bed, I'm going to resource back to an ANCIENT philosopher. Words SO OLD; yet, they still have a modern day presence. "Forget injuries, but never forget kindnesses." - Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)
This goes back to apologizes, and forgiveness.
Cherish the good moments of life; because at times, they are few and far between. But when the sun shines down on you, then embrace it for everything it is. Soak up the rays, and be as brilliant and as blinding as the sun, itself!!
Thursday, May 21
Late night blogging is good for you.
MAN time flies, doesn't it? I look up and BOOM it's already midnight haha and I completely forgot to blog today. I know, I know... big deal, huh hahah I'm sure you're all over it. I actually had a really nice day today. Woke up kinda late but got things going right outta the bed. My morning workout was good... couldn't ask for any better weather! It feels really nice to be active again ha. And, it's a really good release of aggression too haha for 40mins I don't have to answer to ANYBODY!! It's great-
Got my schedule all taken care of and I start my new job tmrw!! Sorry to everybody in Michigan whose unemployed but I HAD TO DO IT haha I can't stand not working!! Sitting around all day drives me nuts! I love staying busy with whatever I can haha I wanna get a 3rd job!!!!!
Today I had two quotes really inspire me.. both I'd like to share with you. The first is from Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) and he said: "God help those who do not help themselves." and I think this one really spoke to my recent decision to stay sober. I know that there are always going to be times when you need help but... you constantly need to be trying to help yourself, too. And, not in a selfish demeanor. But by demanding the respect your life deserves. By living your life to the fullest and never holding yourself back. By knowing what you are worth, and accepting no less. These are the ways that we can help ourselves.
The other quote that touched my heart was from Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) and it goes right along with my life at the moment. It's short. It's sweet. And, I think it does a great job illustrating a point. "To error is human; to forgive, infrequent."
It's one of those "he without sin, shall cast the first stone" things to me. How can you not forgive somebody when you, yourself, have been so angry and bitter with the consequences of your own mistakes?? That's the thing. We've all made mistakes. Some of us have made the SAME mistakes. Some of us have made the same mistakes MORE THAN ONCE. But "he without sin, shall cast the first stone" and, I'm not tossin' a damn one! I'm not completely proud of my past. I've stolen. I've lied. I've cheated. Hell, I've got two DUIs and I'm only 22. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life. But I'm learning the great humility in apologizing. And, forgiving. The tremendous power it gives you to forgive, or apologize to another person is incredible. It puts everything into your palms; and, it allows you to right your wrongs.
It allows you to correct your pasts. And, fix your futures.
Got my schedule all taken care of and I start my new job tmrw!! Sorry to everybody in Michigan whose unemployed but I HAD TO DO IT haha I can't stand not working!! Sitting around all day drives me nuts! I love staying busy with whatever I can haha I wanna get a 3rd job!!!!!
Today I had two quotes really inspire me.. both I'd like to share with you. The first is from Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) and he said: "God help those who do not help themselves." and I think this one really spoke to my recent decision to stay sober. I know that there are always going to be times when you need help but... you constantly need to be trying to help yourself, too. And, not in a selfish demeanor. But by demanding the respect your life deserves. By living your life to the fullest and never holding yourself back. By knowing what you are worth, and accepting no less. These are the ways that we can help ourselves.
The other quote that touched my heart was from Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) and it goes right along with my life at the moment. It's short. It's sweet. And, I think it does a great job illustrating a point. "To error is human; to forgive, infrequent."
It's one of those "he without sin, shall cast the first stone" things to me. How can you not forgive somebody when you, yourself, have been so angry and bitter with the consequences of your own mistakes?? That's the thing. We've all made mistakes. Some of us have made the SAME mistakes. Some of us have made the same mistakes MORE THAN ONCE. But "he without sin, shall cast the first stone" and, I'm not tossin' a damn one! I'm not completely proud of my past. I've stolen. I've lied. I've cheated. Hell, I've got two DUIs and I'm only 22. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life. But I'm learning the great humility in apologizing. And, forgiving. The tremendous power it gives you to forgive, or apologize to another person is incredible. It puts everything into your palms; and, it allows you to right your wrongs.
It allows you to correct your pasts. And, fix your futures.
Wednesday, May 20
How is your star player doing?
I was watching the Comedy Central last night and the old Katt William's special came on. I've seen all of Katt's shows at least once but last night I caught a segment that I never focused on before. It's when Katt talks about "fk everybody else" and taking care of you... your STAR PLAYER. And, he's right! You can't spend every minute of your life worrying about what other people think.. or trying to please somebody else. You've got 2 responsibilities in this world. You. And, your family. Everything else is arbitrary.
All these things are tied together, though. It seems like ever since I've been trying to get sober, I pick up on all these hidden messages and meanings in things haha! It's cool though, because everything seems to HELP with my sobriety. It's not like I see something and I think to myself: "what are you doing?! You were wrong! Go get loaded right now!!" haha no.. I usually see stuff that inspires me, or makes me think: "this is going to work! Why haven't you been doing this all along??" It's the small stuff that pushes me... and, it keeps me going.
It's weird. All this time.. I was drinking and smoking to escape the stress and pressures of reality. But... then I noticed that most of my problems were BECAUSE of the drinking and smoking. And if the drugs weren't causing the problems they definitely weren't helping solve them either. I was stuck. It felt like I was buried alive in bullshit. Around every corner was SOMETHING ELSE to add to the pile until I was staring up at a mountain of problems. Something that seemed too big to even hike.
But now, I really feel great. My mind is clear. My lungs are clean(er) and my body doesn't feel hungover like shit. I'm rested. I'm focused. I'm determined. I feel like I could climb that mountain I use to stand in front of. I feel FREE. Like somebody had taken the chains off my wrists and ankles.
I don't even find myself craving much. No urges, yet. Not to say they don't ever happen.. but nothing uncontrollable. If ever, it's just a brief... "would you like a beer?" to which I immediately respond: "naaah." It doesn't even seem that appealing to get wasted right now. I've got so much going thru my head... I would rather be sober for it.
Today when I met with my lawyer he told me something very motivational he said: "You know, sometimes we don't know HOW LONG our journey is going to be. Sometimes the road winds on forever and ever until it is completely gone and out of sight. Other times, we know EXACTLY how long our trip is going to take us, and we know how hard of a battle it is going to be. But it doesn't matter if you have to travel 10ft or 10,000 miles.... you'll NEVER go anywhere without taking that first step."
I just kinda sat still for a second, and thought about what I just heard. If you really think about it... he's absolutely right!!
And, I think that goes for everybody, in all situations. No matter what you are faced with... you can never begin the fight without taking that first swing at things. And, so with that being said... I've realized I don't have a choice! I'ma step up, and I'm swingin' for the fences. I'ma get off the bench and walk out onto the big grassy field of life, and I'ma knock 'em outta the park!!!
All these things are tied together, though. It seems like ever since I've been trying to get sober, I pick up on all these hidden messages and meanings in things haha! It's cool though, because everything seems to HELP with my sobriety. It's not like I see something and I think to myself: "what are you doing?! You were wrong! Go get loaded right now!!" haha no.. I usually see stuff that inspires me, or makes me think: "this is going to work! Why haven't you been doing this all along??" It's the small stuff that pushes me... and, it keeps me going.
It's weird. All this time.. I was drinking and smoking to escape the stress and pressures of reality. But... then I noticed that most of my problems were BECAUSE of the drinking and smoking. And if the drugs weren't causing the problems they definitely weren't helping solve them either. I was stuck. It felt like I was buried alive in bullshit. Around every corner was SOMETHING ELSE to add to the pile until I was staring up at a mountain of problems. Something that seemed too big to even hike.
But now, I really feel great. My mind is clear. My lungs are clean(er) and my body doesn't feel hungover like shit. I'm rested. I'm focused. I'm determined. I feel like I could climb that mountain I use to stand in front of. I feel FREE. Like somebody had taken the chains off my wrists and ankles.
I don't even find myself craving much. No urges, yet. Not to say they don't ever happen.. but nothing uncontrollable. If ever, it's just a brief... "would you like a beer?" to which I immediately respond: "naaah." It doesn't even seem that appealing to get wasted right now. I've got so much going thru my head... I would rather be sober for it.
Today when I met with my lawyer he told me something very motivational he said: "You know, sometimes we don't know HOW LONG our journey is going to be. Sometimes the road winds on forever and ever until it is completely gone and out of sight. Other times, we know EXACTLY how long our trip is going to take us, and we know how hard of a battle it is going to be. But it doesn't matter if you have to travel 10ft or 10,000 miles.... you'll NEVER go anywhere without taking that first step."
I just kinda sat still for a second, and thought about what I just heard. If you really think about it... he's absolutely right!!
And, I think that goes for everybody, in all situations. No matter what you are faced with... you can never begin the fight without taking that first swing at things. And, so with that being said... I've realized I don't have a choice! I'ma step up, and I'm swingin' for the fences. I'ma get off the bench and walk out onto the big grassy field of life, and I'ma knock 'em outta the park!!!
Tuesday, May 19
It feels nice to take an honest fresh breathe.
Today, I spent my free time doing all the old stuff I use to love to do hah! Rollerblading... making beats... even busted out this old computer game I use to play all the time haha. It's the small things that will make you smile. And it's the little hobbies and activities that keep my mind (and time) occupied. Make it easier to be positive.
I've realized it's that simple. All you have to do is decide that, today, is going to be a good day. Think about it: when somebody asks you "how are you are doing?" or "how your day is going?"... it's up to YOU to answer. You can either be negative. Or you can be positive. You can literally choose how you feel. And, the way you answer those questions, will change how you feel for the rest of the day!!
I just stumbled across a great quote that I want to share with you. "The trick is to make sure you don't die waiting for prosperity to come." - Lee Iacocca (1924 - alive)
How true is that?! Hahaha I've decided to MOVE and take ACTIONS to get me closer to where I want to be in life. You've got to. Nobody is going to push you across the finish line. Nobody is going to carry you through the maze. You've got to get up on your own two damn feet, and do something positive in your life!! "If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible! Don't hoard it!! Don't dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly like a millionaire intent on going broke!" - Brendan Francis.
Just another 24 hrs at a time :-) I'm clean.. I feel great.. and I am excited to become the changes I see in my life. I feel blessed right now. Truly focused, and blessed.
I've realized it's that simple. All you have to do is decide that, today, is going to be a good day. Think about it: when somebody asks you "how are you are doing?" or "how your day is going?"... it's up to YOU to answer. You can either be negative. Or you can be positive. You can literally choose how you feel. And, the way you answer those questions, will change how you feel for the rest of the day!!
I just stumbled across a great quote that I want to share with you. "The trick is to make sure you don't die waiting for prosperity to come." - Lee Iacocca (1924 - alive)
How true is that?! Hahaha I've decided to MOVE and take ACTIONS to get me closer to where I want to be in life. You've got to. Nobody is going to push you across the finish line. Nobody is going to carry you through the maze. You've got to get up on your own two damn feet, and do something positive in your life!! "If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible! Don't hoard it!! Don't dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly like a millionaire intent on going broke!" - Brendan Francis.
Just another 24 hrs at a time :-) I'm clean.. I feel great.. and I am excited to become the changes I see in my life. I feel blessed right now. Truly focused, and blessed.
Monday, May 18
Wait!! Nobody likes a quitter, right?
If we left our lives, and everything important up to "fate" or "God's will," I think our world would come to a halt. We would freeze up. And, we'd rot. Taking away the only TRUE power we've ever been given. The authority over our own decisions.
At times, it feels like we have no authority over our own lives. Like we have no choices. It can be depressing. It'll make you feel like a fish outta water. It'll put you in a terrible mood, and can paralyze your daily life. Trust me, I've been there before.
But it's moments like this, that make you realize how truly powerful you are as an individual! You may not always be given the choices you want in life... but moral and spiritually this reality is whatever you make it. And, if you just sit yourself on the side lines and watch it go on, then you'll never put yourself in a position to score. Even in a team sport. You've got to coach yourself through life's stickiest situations. You've got to play the game.
To help me clear my mind.. I've been reading a lot of quotes. I find 'em motivational. Inspirational. It's crazy to think of the POWER a few short sentences can hold. Even when taken out of context! I found one today I want to share with you.. "Don't reserve your best behavior for special occasions. You can't have two sets of manners, two social codes - one for those you admire and want to impress, another for those whom you consider unimportant. You must be the same to all people." - Lillian Eichler Watson
I started really thinking about this. In a way, we ALL do this. We have our natural behavior we use when we are around friends or family that we are comfortable with. Then, we also have a secondary attitude for those we try to impress. Those at school, or work. The opposite sex.
But if you really tried IMPRESSING everybody you came in contact with.. you would be a different person. And, I'm not just talking about some superficial, pretentious bullshit. Fk your clothes and fk your car honestly, I'm talking about actually i m p r e s s i n g somebody.
Suuuure.. we'd all like to thiiink we're impressive haha right? But, it's all about what you're trying to do.. and how you're doing it. Life is what you make of it. And you've got to realize that, in your life.. there is nobody that is more powerful than you are! You have the ability to just walk around and exist.. OR, you can live each day trying to impress everybody you meet!
At times, it feels like we have no authority over our own lives. Like we have no choices. It can be depressing. It'll make you feel like a fish outta water. It'll put you in a terrible mood, and can paralyze your daily life. Trust me, I've been there before.
But it's moments like this, that make you realize how truly powerful you are as an individual! You may not always be given the choices you want in life... but moral and spiritually this reality is whatever you make it. And, if you just sit yourself on the side lines and watch it go on, then you'll never put yourself in a position to score. Even in a team sport. You've got to coach yourself through life's stickiest situations. You've got to play the game.
To help me clear my mind.. I've been reading a lot of quotes. I find 'em motivational. Inspirational. It's crazy to think of the POWER a few short sentences can hold. Even when taken out of context! I found one today I want to share with you.. "Don't reserve your best behavior for special occasions. You can't have two sets of manners, two social codes - one for those you admire and want to impress, another for those whom you consider unimportant. You must be the same to all people." - Lillian Eichler Watson
I started really thinking about this. In a way, we ALL do this. We have our natural behavior we use when we are around friends or family that we are comfortable with. Then, we also have a secondary attitude for those we try to impress. Those at school, or work. The opposite sex.
But if you really tried IMPRESSING everybody you came in contact with.. you would be a different person. And, I'm not just talking about some superficial, pretentious bullshit. Fk your clothes and fk your car honestly, I'm talking about actually i m p r e s s i n g somebody.
Suuuure.. we'd all like to thiiink we're impressive haha right? But, it's all about what you're trying to do.. and how you're doing it. Life is what you make of it. And you've got to realize that, in your life.. there is nobody that is more powerful than you are! You have the ability to just walk around and exist.. OR, you can live each day trying to impress everybody you meet!
Sunday, May 17
Cold turkey and Mayo, on the bread.
I've had quite a wild ride, to say the least. I'd like to consider myself some-what wise (regardless of the few legal mistakes I've made in the past) but nonetheless.. here I am, ALIVE! And yet slightly intelligent, and a "d r e a m e r" to say the least, right?
I'm mean... let's say America DOESN'T fall into a giant shit hole for the next 5-20 years... still there are MILLIONS of young people in my shoes. Creative. Talented. And determined to try pursuing their dream!? Still... I'm in the trenches.
But I've realized that the only thing holding me back..... is ME! Just the other day I saw a quote I loved on (of all places) an AIM away msg my buddy Mike had up and it said "To see a change, you have the be the change."
That really inspired me.. and got me thinking a lot about my current situation. I mean.... I need to figure SOMETHING out.. quick! It's soooo easy to pass blame, and dodge situation, and duck confrontation. But if you ALWAYS stick to the low road... you'll find yourself in the ditches ha.
I really find peace and therapy in writing and the art of words. I've always been a fluent, and proficient writer.. but I need it now of (of all times.) Writing is a way to completely clear your mind. It's like a mental yoga (yeah "mental yoga" steal it if you want.)
Never mind the metaphors, it's a R E L E A SE and it's something I need to take more advantage of. Hope it's entertaining enough to read... and, I hope it's interesting enough to make you think. I hope. I hope that I can only happen to say that o n e thing that sparks off in your head. And, intrigues you. And, pulls on your curiosity.
I've recently discovered that LIFE IS FKN CRAZY, folks!!! ha And trust me! You can never know what will happen next. Sometimes... that's the best part! Something completely random and miraculous will happen and it will make your day! Your week, even!
S o m e t i m e s, though.... it feels like life is throwing you a hand two short and the deck is stacked. Sometimes, it feels like too much.
To this very day... I hold a old quote close to my heart. I don't know if it is the words themselves, or the time in my life in which I heard them..... but for years this has been my favorite quote of all time. "Life isn't getting what you want. It's wanting what you get." How insightful is that?? Take that in for a second...
........the author??
Well, the hell if I know who first wrote it but I (shamelessly) heard it from Slater off of "Saved by the Bell." haha Ridiculously, I know. But that's how the fk life is haha. And I'm so grateful for everything I have and everything I've been given but sometimes I feel like I take this ONE AND ONLY life I've been given and I take it for granted. I catch myself slippin'..
.....I dunno WHAT to do anymore..
But I DO know o n e thing that's for sure. And (I know) it's 3 in the fkn morning but I've had this on my heart for a w h i l e and why not start fresh on a Monday?? I've got this new job starting.... I gotta pay these court fines.... car insurance, driver's responsibility fee, a mortgage, child support, AND! I'm about to get back into school?
Never mind my personal life!! I mean, the average f e e l i n g in Michigan right now is FK EVERYTHING haha :-/ there's NO good jobs no good public schools it's a pretty f k d up situation. Both of my parents' work is related to the auto industry. As with most middle class blue collar families we're prepared for the worst. I'm in a situation where I need to s t e p back and take a good look in the mirror. You know.. not just looking to see if my facial hair is in line ha or noticing how much my ears stick out hahah no! Looking in the mirror and looking deep into my own eyes and asking myself....... "what do you want with life??"
-whew-
Fk a 7/11 that's a big gulp to swallow. A huge valley to bridge! I mean.. let's be honest, this new millennium is n u t s and for young guys my age THEY HAVE IT OUT FOR YOU that's the truth I don't care if you believe me or not young males 16-24 all race all religion THEY HAVE IT OUT FOR YOU so watch your back :-[ Life is n u t s.
And because of the financial situations I'm in... and, the employment situations I'm in... and, the business I need to attend to......... I need to quit.
No, not LIFE don't worry hahaha. I need to quit living a life of excess! Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, staying up late, spending time rapping and chasing women? It all needs to get cut. I need to just kick it all, cold turkey.
All skepticism recognized.. All criticism accepted. I believe enough in M Y S E L F and the power of my own motivation to DO THIS! This will be a REAL LIFE EXPERIMENT in the life of sobriety. A day-2-day journal of my struggle ha. No holds barred. If I cheat and relapse I'll admit it. Nothing to hide here.
Because honestly I don't feel I have any drug addictions besides cigarettes. I enjoy smoking high grade marijuana (and who doesn't, honestly) but that shouldn't be a probably to weed off no pun intended ha. Cigs will suck the most no doubt about it but I can't afford to spend money on my own death anymore. AND THE COST OF A PACK WENT UP?? C'mon Granholm!! It's like investing in my own funeral. The MORE I let the idea of the whole thing freak me out.. the better chance I have of quitting.
So that's it. Smokes... ganja... and beer. Oh yeeeah... the beer. I forgot ha.
I definitely wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic or "one with a drinking problem" but at 22 years old, and two DUIs, I obviously have a problem drinking and getting in trouble with the law. I could sit here and type allllllll day about how innocent I was, and how the cops were dicks and how I got fkd but it wouldn't get us anywhere.
I've found a new fascination with quotes. The idea of one or two sentences being locked in time f o r e v e r it's inspiring. I discovered this Jewish proverb tonight and I find it hilarious.. "If God lived on Earth, people would break his windows."
Humbling, to say the least, right? hahah
Today..... THIS DAY... marks the early hours of DAY ONE of my sobriety. I have no choice but to take it a day at a time. But in the same retrospective.... that's all life is. One day at a time. One second... of one minute... of one hour... of one day. If you dare.. stay tuned to read ALL about my day to day trials and tribulations. I would like to say ATLEAST a daily vent, if not multiple times a day.
AGAIN, I don't mean to pass judgment on anybody but m y s e l f. I live everyday to the fullest... and I LOVE having a good time and partying. But, I hope to make this blog as honest, and uncomfortable as I can for myself.
hahahah YES, regardless if you really read it or not hah
This is my life, folks. I love good bud and cold beer. I love menthol cigarettes and I love spending money like it's the "American dream." I lofe my life, but I hate our generation (to be honest) haha. But, (better late then never) reality has set in. And, I know it's time for me to completely grow up in to the man I see myself as, youKnow??
so whaddup, you gonna help H O L D M E D O W N ? ? ?
I'ma try my best to bring you EXCLUSIVE internal dialogue through-out this entire process. My up's.. my downs.. and everything in between! Day by day... I want to bring you along with me. Life is c r a z y, but I've got my safety belt on.. and, I'm trying to enjoy the ride!! Won't you come along with me?? Let's just take it a day at a time.-
I'm mean... let's say America DOESN'T fall into a giant shit hole for the next 5-20 years... still there are MILLIONS of young people in my shoes. Creative. Talented. And determined to try pursuing their dream!? Still... I'm in the trenches.
But I've realized that the only thing holding me back..... is ME! Just the other day I saw a quote I loved on (of all places) an AIM away msg my buddy Mike had up and it said "To see a change, you have the be the change."
That really inspired me.. and got me thinking a lot about my current situation. I mean.... I need to figure SOMETHING out.. quick! It's soooo easy to pass blame, and dodge situation, and duck confrontation. But if you ALWAYS stick to the low road... you'll find yourself in the ditches ha.
I really find peace and therapy in writing and the art of words. I've always been a fluent, and proficient writer.. but I need it now of (of all times.) Writing is a way to completely clear your mind. It's like a mental yoga (yeah "mental yoga" steal it if you want.)
Never mind the metaphors, it's a R E L E A SE and it's something I need to take more advantage of. Hope it's entertaining enough to read... and, I hope it's interesting enough to make you think. I hope. I hope that I can only happen to say that o n e thing that sparks off in your head. And, intrigues you. And, pulls on your curiosity.
I've recently discovered that LIFE IS FKN CRAZY, folks!!! ha And trust me! You can never know what will happen next. Sometimes... that's the best part! Something completely random and miraculous will happen and it will make your day! Your week, even!
S o m e t i m e s, though.... it feels like life is throwing you a hand two short and the deck is stacked. Sometimes, it feels like too much.
To this very day... I hold a old quote close to my heart. I don't know if it is the words themselves, or the time in my life in which I heard them..... but for years this has been my favorite quote of all time. "Life isn't getting what you want. It's wanting what you get." How insightful is that?? Take that in for a second...
........the author??
Well, the hell if I know who first wrote it but I (shamelessly) heard it from Slater off of "Saved by the Bell." haha Ridiculously, I know. But that's how the fk life is haha. And I'm so grateful for everything I have and everything I've been given but sometimes I feel like I take this ONE AND ONLY life I've been given and I take it for granted. I catch myself slippin'..
.....I dunno WHAT to do anymore..
But I DO know o n e thing that's for sure. And (I know) it's 3 in the fkn morning but I've had this on my heart for a w h i l e and why not start fresh on a Monday?? I've got this new job starting.... I gotta pay these court fines.... car insurance, driver's responsibility fee, a mortgage, child support, AND! I'm about to get back into school?
Never mind my personal life!! I mean, the average f e e l i n g in Michigan right now is FK EVERYTHING haha :-/ there's NO good jobs no good public schools it's a pretty f k d up situation. Both of my parents' work is related to the auto industry. As with most middle class blue collar families we're prepared for the worst. I'm in a situation where I need to s t e p back and take a good look in the mirror. You know.. not just looking to see if my facial hair is in line ha or noticing how much my ears stick out hahah no! Looking in the mirror and looking deep into my own eyes and asking myself....... "what do you want with life??"
-whew-
Fk a 7/11 that's a big gulp to swallow. A huge valley to bridge! I mean.. let's be honest, this new millennium is n u t s and for young guys my age THEY HAVE IT OUT FOR YOU that's the truth I don't care if you believe me or not young males 16-24 all race all religion THEY HAVE IT OUT FOR YOU so watch your back :-[ Life is n u t s.
And because of the financial situations I'm in... and, the employment situations I'm in... and, the business I need to attend to......... I need to quit.
No, not LIFE don't worry hahaha. I need to quit living a life of excess! Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, staying up late, spending time rapping and chasing women? It all needs to get cut. I need to just kick it all, cold turkey.
All skepticism recognized.. All criticism accepted. I believe enough in M Y S E L F and the power of my own motivation to DO THIS! This will be a REAL LIFE EXPERIMENT in the life of sobriety. A day-2-day journal of my struggle ha. No holds barred. If I cheat and relapse I'll admit it. Nothing to hide here.
Because honestly I don't feel I have any drug addictions besides cigarettes. I enjoy smoking high grade marijuana (and who doesn't, honestly) but that shouldn't be a probably to weed off no pun intended ha. Cigs will suck the most no doubt about it but I can't afford to spend money on my own death anymore. AND THE COST OF A PACK WENT UP?? C'mon Granholm!! It's like investing in my own funeral. The MORE I let the idea of the whole thing freak me out.. the better chance I have of quitting.
So that's it. Smokes... ganja... and beer. Oh yeeeah... the beer. I forgot ha.
I definitely wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic or "one with a drinking problem" but at 22 years old, and two DUIs, I obviously have a problem drinking and getting in trouble with the law. I could sit here and type allllllll day about how innocent I was, and how the cops were dicks and how I got fkd but it wouldn't get us anywhere.
I've found a new fascination with quotes. The idea of one or two sentences being locked in time f o r e v e r it's inspiring. I discovered this Jewish proverb tonight and I find it hilarious.. "If God lived on Earth, people would break his windows."
Humbling, to say the least, right? hahah
Today..... THIS DAY... marks the early hours of DAY ONE of my sobriety. I have no choice but to take it a day at a time. But in the same retrospective.... that's all life is. One day at a time. One second... of one minute... of one hour... of one day. If you dare.. stay tuned to read ALL about my day to day trials and tribulations. I would like to say ATLEAST a daily vent, if not multiple times a day.
AGAIN, I don't mean to pass judgment on anybody but m y s e l f. I live everyday to the fullest... and I LOVE having a good time and partying. But, I hope to make this blog as honest, and uncomfortable as I can for myself.
hahahah YES, regardless if you really read it or not hah
This is my life, folks. I love good bud and cold beer. I love menthol cigarettes and I love spending money like it's the "American dream." I lofe my life, but I hate our generation (to be honest) haha. But, (better late then never) reality has set in. And, I know it's time for me to completely grow up in to the man I see myself as, youKnow??
so whaddup, you gonna help H O L D M E D O W N ? ? ?
I'ma try my best to bring you EXCLUSIVE internal dialogue through-out this entire process. My up's.. my downs.. and everything in between! Day by day... I want to bring you along with me. Life is c r a z y, but I've got my safety belt on.. and, I'm trying to enjoy the ride!! Won't you come along with me?? Let's just take it a day at a time.-
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