Please don't remind me.

It's amazing how insignificant we can feel, isn't it?? I mean... if you REALLY think you're the shit, then just look up at the stars n THEN try'n tell me something!! On this giant green marble planet WE ARE ANTS crawling around and performing our jobs. That's it. Wake up, work, eat, poop, and go back to sleep. That's all we can do. And, we try the best we can... hoping that the "best we can" is good enough. Sometimes we try and breathe under water but we forget that we're still just swimming in a swamp.

I want to be DONE with the daily bullshit. I mean, I wish I could see past it alllll.... and, just focus on the years ahead. Skip by the days and weeks and months of drama. It might only be a few hours a day, but that shit adds up!!! haha

Regardless, I've enjoyed my day off (to say the least) I went out with my sister and my brother-in-law and watched the Red Wings game. It was so nice to just kick back, and relax!! AND my sister gave me her old digital camera (which is fkn awesome) so that was cool! I've been working my ass! But, there's nothing wrong with that. I'd rather be busy as hell... working the hours away; then sitting around, doing nothing. I've got to get my life in order. Right now, I've got priorities that are so much larger than me. They're bigger than MY feelings or MY convenience. And I need to embrace every challenge I'm faced with.

I need to empower myself and my self-control. I need to quit being afraid of the collision, and hit the walls HEAD ON; and take the World for what it's worth!! Too many people live their life without knowing what they DESERVE. That's not me. Since the day I was old enough to make a conscious thought... I knew I was going to grow to be something special. I knew I had something to offer the rest of the World.

But now it feels like I'm hitting a brick wall..

This can't be happening.

I feel like I'm standing up with my feet firmly planted on the ground... but, I'm looking up at a mountain. All I see is walls and cliffs in front of me. But, I've got to tighten my laces and CLIMB. I need to ascend. I want to hike so high, that I'm looking down on the past and laughing!

Because right now; I'm sitting in this God damn computer chair, telling myself.......... I'm not here.

I want to be on the summit.

But it's WAY too easy to look up in the sky, and tell yourself THAT'S where you're going to be. It's way too easy to wait for your opportunity. But trust me, you will end up waiting your entire life haha and before you know it you're going on 23 and you ain't got SHIT to show for it hahaha

I'm at a point... where I just wanna be a good guy. I use to wanna be smart and rich and famous but fk that I just wanna be accepted hah. I just wanna be loved.

When I'm not working, I just sit here- day in and day out; spilling my emotions to this stupid fkn computer! haha I wish I had somebody to talk to like this. Somebody to confide to. NOT TO SAY I DON'T!! I have many positive people in my life I DO! But nothing feels as free as a journal.

Right now, I can say wtf ever I want.

And, it feels great.

I just wanna quit waking up if I'ma keep sucking on lemons. I wanna wake up every morning feeling alive and refreshed. Not wondering how shitty my day is going to be! hah I've learned that life is WAY TOO precious and WAY TOO short to stress all the bullshit people are going to throw at you. As always, I'll be honest; I never expected THIS is where I would be.............

but, Here I am.

And, there is nothing wrong with that. I'm ready to take on the World! There are BILLIONS of people on this planet, and a LOT of them are in worse situations than me haha the very least I can do is rejoice! Atleast I've got my health. Atleast I've got my mind, and my sight, and I've (kinda) got my freedom of speech! Atleast I am informed. I mean, I'm not genius but I think I've got enough knowledge to carry me thru this hectic, crazy World. Yes, we all make mistakes. Yes, we're all wrong at times.

But atleast I'm decent enough to admit it!

With that being said... I feel like I've pushed away a lot of people that I care about. Actually, I KNOW I have. I dunno if it's my trust issues or my apathy or just me being a shitty person (plain and simple) I've still hurt a lot of people that care about me. And there's nothing I can do but try my best to make it up to them. I'm starting to see that life is a zero-sum game, and you better be happy with what you get haha or else you'll be miserable!

Errrrybody fks up.

It's only natural.

All I can do is try my hardest to be the best man I can. Maybe being normal and ordinary isn't soo bad after all? Maybe I should just cherish the fact I am who I am. "After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have NO monument, than ask why I have one at all." - Cato the Elder (234 BC - 149 BC)