Let's tell eachother fairy tales.

Geez I'm exhausted ha. Had a pretty good day today despite how sore I was at work! When I got home, I did a few things around the house and took a nap. Woke up and made some dinner... fiddled around on the computer for awhile... and, now I'm bout to watch a movie before bed. Another low key night for me. It doesn't feel like a Sunday, does it??

I can feel my recent optimism slightly slipping I need to grab it back and hold on tighter. Don't get me wrong I feel fine but I wasn't quite "Great" today or yesterday either. I'm not sure what it is.. but, I need to get outta this rut I've been in!!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Nelson Mandela.

I've always said my biggest fear is failure. Not snakes or spiders or deep water or darkness but FAILURE. I dunno what it is... but the idea of living to be just another average, ordinary man SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME! I want to succeed so badly I want to live my dreams! I know I'm talented enough! I know I've got to keep pursuing my goals.

But I'm haunted by the fact that I may just end up another average, ordinary man.

Not that there is anything wrong with that, I guess. Shhiiiiiit- 98% of us are average and ordinary. We're the people who make the world go around. We work decent jobs. We drive decent cars. We're always trying to reach that NEXT level but it seems like an endless uphill struggle.

The real face of America.

Depressed and bitter ha. The lonily old woman who was prom queen in highschool. The angry old man who was the quarterback of his college football team. The millions of us who spend years to follow our dreams; until the rivers evaporate and the creeks dry up.

We are our own biggest cheerleaders.

And, we are our own worst enemies.

Because; maybe pursuing our dreams is the reward in itself? Maybe I should quit looking for some sort of payoff. Maybe the act of pursuing your dreams is fulfilling enough! I mean... I've had the time of my life! And, I've accomplished quite a bit too. Maybe I can't fail... because atleast I tried! Maybe THAT'S what makes me extrodinary!! "You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be." - Lou Holtz

There is no "encore" with life. You've got one stage. One act. And, an unknown number of days your show will be playing. There is no pause. Or, rewind. And you won't beable to write a sequel. Or, read the reviews after your gone.

All you can do is go L I V E

Embrace each day given to you. Hug the opportunities of even ONE MORE HOUR on this crazy planet. That's all I'm trying to do. I'm trying to learn how to TRUST. And, LOVE. And, FORGIVE. I'm trying to take better care of myself... AND, the people around me. I'm ready to open my eyes wide, and see the real beauty in life. "What you see depends on what you're looking for." - Anonymous

I'm just glad to be a l i v e hah I've done a lot of dumb shit in my days. And yet, here I am. Sore, yes. But ALIVE. And I'm getting old too, I can feel it ha. But I can actually FEEL myself getting wiser. More mature. I know I've still got a ways to go. I've got to change things in my life.. and I am changing them. But things already don't really feel the same way they use to. Nothing does. But that's okay, you know?? I'm trying my hardest to build myself up.. and let go of the bullshit that life throws at us. "Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak...sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go." - Unknown