How is your star player doing?

I was watching the Comedy Central last night and the old Katt William's special came on. I've seen all of Katt's shows at least once but last night I caught a segment that I never focused on before. It's when Katt talks about "fk everybody else" and taking care of you... your STAR PLAYER. And, he's right! You can't spend every minute of your life worrying about what other people think.. or trying to please somebody else. You've got 2 responsibilities in this world. You. And, your family. Everything else is arbitrary.

All these things are tied together, though. It seems like ever since I've been trying to get sober, I pick up on all these hidden messages and meanings in things haha! It's cool though, because everything seems to HELP with my sobriety. It's not like I see something and I think to myself: "what are you doing?! You were wrong! Go get loaded right now!!" haha no.. I usually see stuff that inspires me, or makes me think: "this is going to work! Why haven't you been doing this all along??" It's the small stuff that pushes me... and, it keeps me going.

It's weird. All this time.. I was drinking and smoking to escape the stress and pressures of reality. But... then I noticed that most of my problems were BECAUSE of the drinking and smoking. And if the drugs weren't causing the problems they definitely weren't helping solve them either. I was stuck. It felt like I was buried alive in bullshit. Around every corner was SOMETHING ELSE to add to the pile until I was staring up at a mountain of problems. Something that seemed too big to even hike.

But now, I really feel great. My mind is clear. My lungs are clean(er) and my body doesn't feel hungover like shit. I'm rested. I'm focused. I'm determined. I feel like I could climb that mountain I use to stand in front of. I feel FREE. Like somebody had taken the chains off my wrists and ankles.

I don't even find myself craving much. No urges, yet. Not to say they don't ever happen.. but nothing uncontrollable. If ever, it's just a brief... "would you like a beer?" to which I immediately respond: "naaah." It doesn't even seem that appealing to get wasted right now. I've got so much going thru my head... I would rather be sober for it.

Today when I met with my lawyer he told me something very motivational he said: "You know, sometimes we don't know HOW LONG our journey is going to be. Sometimes the road winds on forever and ever until it is completely gone and out of sight. Other times, we know EXACTLY how long our trip is going to take us, and we know how hard of a battle it is going to be. But it doesn't matter if you have to travel 10ft or 10,000 miles.... you'll NEVER go anywhere without taking that first step."

I just kinda sat still for a second, and thought about what I just heard. If you really think about it... he's absolutely right!!

And, I think that goes for everybody, in all situations. No matter what you are faced with... you can never begin the fight without taking that first swing at things. And, so with that being said... I've realized I don't have a choice! I'ma step up, and I'm swingin' for the fences. I'ma get off the bench and walk out onto the big grassy field of life, and I'ma knock 'em outta the park!!!