I can't see 'em comin' down my eyes

Today (so far) has been kinda rough haha but ey THAT'S LIFE, right?? Besides my ankle still killin' me, work went alright. Seems like the new job is gonna be a keeper. Which is nice! My last job was so terrible I was miserable every time I showed up hahaha! Even tho I took a little pay cut... I'm a LOT closer to home now. And, the people here are real laid back.

AND at least I'm not crawling all over dirty floors, fixin' rusty oily cars anymore!!! hahaha

Yeah... I'd say that things are going pretty good for me. I can't really complain, atleast. Nobody's listening ;-)

I just have a TON of things going on in my personal life... it's nuts! Yesterday started off AWFUL haha but luckily my sister, and my brother-in-law came and saved the day! They took me up to Hines park and we just relaxed in the sun and talked about everything going on. BBQed some grub and threw the frisbee around a little bit (until my legs started hurting) but it was just what I needed! I'm so thankful for the people in my life who have been MORE THAN supportive. Sometimes, it seems like love can come from the most unusual sources.

This blog has been really helpful too. I don't even know (or really even think about) how many people read this thing IF ANY haha but it's sooooo nice to have a place I can put all of my thoughts down. Take a little time each day to clear my head, and organize my feelings. It's really therapeutic for me... and, even inspiring at times. If I didn't have this blog, or the companionship of my loved ones.. I'm sure I'd be going crazy by now haha.

Chances are, I already AM a little crazy, tho-

ha.

It's just so frustrating to feel powerless. Sometimes we try so hard to change, but our situations don't budge. We can push ourselves to the limit.. physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. But! There's always going to be some things we have NO power over. Some things we can never change.

The sooner we realize this... and accept it... the easier life's BS becomes. It's like Bullshit Lite. hahah Yeah, it sucks. And, yeah you're doing your best. But somethings'll never change so fk it haha don't let it ruin your day. Or your life, for that matter. I dunno about you guys... but me? I tend to let things bother me way more than they should ha :-/

I over react. I over analyze. But I also know I do these things, so I've got to try my best to fix it. Bad habits are hard to break. But if I can quit smoking, and stop drinking; then making a few minor character changes shouldn't be too difficult. It's weird, though. It feels like I'm so "old and wise," and like time is running out; but I'm not even 23 yet!!! And I'm pretty sure I DON'T KNOW SHIT haha! I've still got PLENTY of life to live! And if I start planning now, I can still do anything I dream of!!! The same goes for ALL OF US. We can completely turn our lives around.

But don't get it screwed up. We've also still got plenty of time to completely fk our lives up haha

I've learned that all you can ever do is take care of YOU and your loved ones. Forget about the drama, and the arguments. Let your negative thoughts go. Watch them disappear into thin air, like smoke in the wind. Life is what you make it. And now?? I'm done with all the stretch and stress. I'm sick of struggling with myself. My addictions and depression and anxiety and insecurities. And, I'm sick of struggling with others. Their lies and deception and fake personalities.

I want to be a warrior. Not a worrier.

To be successful at that, I need to learn how to chop my problems down into smaller, more manageable sizes. "Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." - Steven Wright (1955 - ) and DAMN ain't that the truth!!! haha Take it from the guy without a license! Even in a PERFECT WORLD there's going to be some adversity in your everyday existence. They say life is like a "bowl of cherries" butchu still gotta look out for the pits, you know?? Every rose has it's thorn!

Find the beauty in your life. Its vibrant, and warm. It surrounds you, trust me. You've just got to have open eyes and an open mind to see it. In a speech, Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882 - 1945) once said: "Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds." So often, I find this to be true!! We (usually) have complete control over how we react to things.. and how they affect us. We cannot stop the World's rotations.. but we can enjoy the ride.

"I always wanted a happy ending... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." - Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989)