Somewhere between great and okay

So, the new job is awesome! And, I was able to score a couple extra hours in, which is good. But, leaving work, and walking home... my knee started KILLING ME!! I was on my feet all day and after the 45min walk there... the 45min walk home was exhausting.

I got home, and didn't have any plans for the night. It was really unusual for a Friday night. I was home. Alone. Sober. And, chilllllin' haha.

I've got to admit tho I don't know what it was but I had an urge to drink. I was angry or upset .. if anything I was happy! And, it felt good to be a PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY again haha but there were beers in the fridge and I drank one for some reason.

NOW LET'S REWIND FOR A SECOND..

The recent sobriety was triggered by two things. Financial situations, and personal obligations. AT NO TIME have I considered myself an alcoholic or drug addict... but, I have a real problem getting drunk and high and getting in trouble with the law. At 22 years old I have two DUIs. But. I was under the legal limit for both of them. But, I was also under the legal age.

Being stupid when you're 20 can catch up to you hah :-/

It's weird, tho. Even after a couple of beers.... in the safety of my own home... I feel SO guilty. ha

I mean... I am of legal age. I am being responsible. And, I hadn't spent a cent! But, I still felt like shit. I mean... I was feeling SO good all week but I couldn't even go 7 days without drinking that's kind of discouraging because as much as I KNOW I CAN.. I didn't.

My quote for today is simple. "A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure. " - Segal's Law.

To me... this means ONE THING. I can't dance with the idea of sobriety. I can either STAY SOBER, or I can relapse. And, that doesn't mean anything bad about what I did tonight because I'm not even drunk.

But, that's besides the point.

Why even drink if I'm not going to get wasted?? And, since I have no intentions on getting wasted... I should have no reason getting drunk. Or tipsy.

You can't live in two worlds. And, you can't live in two time zones haha. I haven't had a cigarette I need to just quit drinking.

I feel stuck, tho.... I mean, I didn't PAY for anything, and I wasn't irresponsible......

BUT STILL!!

"Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself." - Elie Wiesel (1928 - alive) I need to be more powerful than this beast that hunts so many people. I want to be POWERFUL. I want to take control of my own destiny!

It seems like Life is a never ending track that you can run, and run.... but, no-matter-what, there's going to be hurdles. You can try and race thru as fast as you'd like.. but, you're still going to have to jump the obstacles in front of you.

Before I go to bed, I'm going to resource back to an ANCIENT philosopher. Words SO OLD; yet, they still have a modern day presence. "Forget injuries, but never forget kindnesses." - Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)

This goes back to apologizes, and forgiveness.

Cherish the good moments of life; because at times, they are few and far between. But when the sun shines down on you, then embrace it for everything it is. Soak up the rays, and be as brilliant and as blinding as the sun, itself!!